Good Cop/Bad Cop...or Single, Deranged Mom

It is a scientific fact some species of animals eat their young. Some days, I wish I were that species. I am probably not the greatest mom in the world (not for lack for trying), but I can say I love my little one tween much beyond words or sometimes even actions. Here I shall comment on a difficult phase we're going through (on top of puberty- as if that weren't bad enough). My kid has sticky fingers and a horrific attitude.

First- I confide while asking readers to not judge. Chloe came from a broken home & suffered much at a young age, before coming to live with me. I've hesitated even saying anything to close friends because I am afraid the walls will go up, fingers will be pointed, and my kid's life will be over before it begins. But its not like that. All children having survived through what she has, are bound to have little social issues here & there. We do therapy, we do church, we do strict mom/tia (that's me!).

Here's where it gets tricky. No matter what happens- good, bad and ugly- I am always forced to be the "bad cop." I am and always will be the disciplinarian. There simply is not anyone else there. I make sure I provide abundant positive reinforcement & even incentive programs to help keep her scholastics on-task. We have fun and spend time together, so she knows she is important to me. To be fair, I give her my expectations and corresponding consequences well in advance, with fun boards around the house to serve as reminders. My threats are NEVER idle. You can ask anyone. I stick to my guns. Yet once every few months, we have an "incident" of her taking money from a wallet which does not belong to her.

Its so stinking frustrating. I'm well educated, I've run the gamut of psychological q & a's with her. I've been shouting angry, sobbing sad, and now...just kind of dispirited and left scratching my head. Is there a "bad cop" I can hire through some social services? Maybe mix things up a bit. I'm joking, and of course, I have a plan of action in place and new and more stringent consequences set up for the repeat offender.

And as I type and mull through the day's events, my reactions, her tears- as well as her inability to understand the consequences of her actions, I come to the conclusion that Moms freaking rock. Single moms are going straight to heaven (except for me, because I have a swearing problem yet to be resolved). I will choose to be BOTH good cop and bad cop, and take my meds so I'm not angry, delusional, Deranged Cop.

Feel free to hit me up in the comments if you have any suggestions for me! Single mom far from family is a lonely gig, so I'm always open to advice. :)

Bb's Top 5 Valentine's Day Movie Picks

This year, I thought I'd go out on a limb and bring everyone my top 5 Valentine's Day Movie picks. You know, since I love this Holiday more than any other holiday (read: sarcasm). I know its deeply rooted in tradition (read: Hallmark) and emotion (read: a free dinner or flowers). So to prove once and for all that I am a romantic at heart, I present to you my top-rated love stories:

#5: Battlestar Galactica
OK...this is a television series, and not really a movie, but come on- what doesn't say love like intergalactic battle for the human race? For those of you not in the know, this is a timeless epic about life after habitable worlds are destroyed. Humans must find the mystical "Earth," while battling evil/not-so-evil alien lifeforms (Cylons!). You had me at "Intergalactic."Sigh. Or maybe Sigh-Fy...?


#4: Finding Nemo
Don't scoff because this is a Disney movie. Finding Nemo is one of the few "kids" movies I can watch ad nauseum. Sure, its animated, but the humor is spot on. And funny is the new, new sexy. Especially since becoming a parent, I appreciate the relationship between the neurotic parent, his friend, and his child. I'm a single parent too. Some days I feel like I'm swimming around all by myself, trying to navigate my way to P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way. Then along comes a day when I meet the SLC version of Bruce the Shark or the loveable, amnesiac Dori. This movie highlights the fact that some days, we simply get swallowed by a whale. But we also learn, we're all in this together. Just keep swimming!


#3: Hot Fuzz
If you haven't yet seen this British gem, then please rent it immediately. It is a timeless tale of overcoming social obstacles and stereotypes in order to form lasting friendships. A too-good cop gets "promoted" to a sleepy English village and is forced to partner with the hapless but hug-able Police Constable Butterman. There are plenty of car chases, swan chases, Shakespeare, and shoot outs to fill my empty heart. And if you don't like this movie, well jog on!

#2: Hero

This is my idea of a tear-jerker. Jet Li stars as the movie's protagonist, Nameless. Sure, its in Mandrin and you might have to read subtitles (or listen to the dubbed version), but this is a visually striking love story. OK, maybe not a story about romantic love, but love & sacrifice for the greater good. The cast is the Hong Kong equivalent of super A-list stars. The actors are so fluid in their moves, their Shaolin-style fighting is virtually a dance. The scenes are layered in color to represent various emotions, using the backdrop of remote China as its canvas. When I watch this movie, I feel as though I am viewing art. Plus-- its a freaking Kung-Fu movie folks. It doesn't get much better than that. Kung-Fu, people! Kung-Fu.
 

#1: Man on Fire
What do you get when you mix Denzel Washington, people trafficking, and an adorable little girl (the now grown-up- and lovely- Miss Dakota Fanning)? A freaking great movie based on a true story. This tale takes place in Mexico City. It is a place I love and hold dear, but also a place which serves as a cautionary tale of corruption and vices. Is this movie formulaic? Maybe a bit. But talk about a true love story. We even get Christopher Walken as the voice of reason (weird, right?). Oh boy. I'm getting all misty thinking about the revenge Denzel exacts on crooked cops and wayward politicians. I'm have to go grab a box of tissues right now & watch some explosions.

And there you have it. The Top 5 Love Stories according to yours truly. What? Did you honestly think you would find a chick flick on my list? Puh-lease. But seriously- these movies are top notch and worth a watch. I actually own all of these movies, so you are also welcome to watch them with me. I'll even serve popcorn. But no funny stuff. This is Valentine's Day- a day reserved for TRUE love. You know, like the love between a Ninja and his sword. Wait...that didn't come out right...

Going Home

Home has such a depth of meaning for most people. Its not where you live, but where you are. It is where you lay your head at night, and where you surround yourself with family or loved ones. At different points in our lives home may be a childhood bedroom with a twin bed, a dorm room with stacks of books, a small apartment which used to be a garage.

There are a multitude of images which the word home evokes for each individual. A quick Google search of the term, "Going Home," just spit out 339 million results. There are songs, poems, pictures. All about going home.

I chose to go home this Christmas, taking my daughter and my 2 dogs. To my childhood home, where my parents still live. It was an event preceded with much trepidation and anxiety. Our family was coming together, in its tiny entirety, for the first time in 5 years. It was a wonderful time. A true blessing. But I think we all know it could have gone either way- good or bad. We were blessed. The visit was beyond lovely. The whole time I was home, I kept hearing the Jenny Bruce song, Home,
in my head:

Mirror of life
Pillar of light
Blood of my heart
oceans of fate,
rolling and deep
could not keep us apart

I know they say you can't never go home again.
But all the world be calm
Going home...
you will walk into the light
there's fire burning warm and bright
open up the door to a room where they're waiting for you
and you feel so at ease you will know you're at home

all that I am
fruit of the tree
falling from grace
you are the sun, moon and the stars
no one can ever take your place

I know they say you can't never go home again
But all the world be calm
Going home...
you will walk into the light
there's fire burning warm and bright
open up the door to a room where they're waiting for you
and you feel so at ease you will know you're at home

Inside, faith is gonna find you
somewhere no one knows the word goodbye.


At 2 a.m., one blustery and dark morning, I took dog out. There I stood on my parents lawn, in the still black of the night, in my bare feet and pajamas. That song was running through my head, as were a multitude of other thoughts. Thoughts about the whys, the hows, the what comes next for me....and I looked up.

There in the still sky, shining as if just for me, was Orion's Belt. I was a kid who liked to think a lot, and always looked to the heavens. Orion's Belt was what I would look at every night before coming in, and again every morning before heading off to early morning seminary. After nearly 20 years of creating my own home where ever I am, I looked to the skies and saw a constant.

Like the hand of an angel, those stars instantly calmed my soul. Yes, came the answer. You can always go home. Faith will always find me, and home will always be where no one knows the word goodbye.

A Piece of Cake

My daughter requested a German Chocolate Cake for her birthday this year. Being handy in the kitchen (not bragging), I obliged. And in the process of making that confounded cake, I experienced an epiphany.

In preparation for making this cake, I did my homework. Since baking is not my forte, I researched everything from the etymology of German Chocolate Cake, to recipes, to people's reactions to said recipes. I carefully selected the best and began my prep work. I pulled out all the stops- we're talking cake flour, sifting, chocolate squares, whipping egg whites. Everything. The actual cake batter took me nearly an hour to complete. I was happy as a lark when I gently placed the cake pans in the oven, timer set.

When the cake was finally baked, I knew, right away, there was going to be trouble. The cake had not risen as much as it should have, and upon quick inspection, I noted the cake was FIRMLY stuck in the pans. How could this be?? I coated & floured the pans and followed every instruction to the letter. I hopped on line, furiously googling, "How To Get A Cake Un-Stuck From A Pan." No success with suggested methodologies. Finally, I caved. I knew there was only one way that cake was coming out of the pan: by brute force. And it wouldn't be pretty.

Using a rubber scraper, I scraped both pans out onto the counter. It was the saddest site I think I've seen (kitchen-wise). I picked up a piece of the cake and tasted: it was heavenly. I just stood there shaking my head. I re-read the recipe. I had done everything as explained. UGH!!! The birthday cake was dead.

I sucked up my pride, tossed the awesome tasting but now-just-a-pile-of-crumb cake out. I headed to the pantry, fingers crossed. Sure enough, there was a German Chocolate Cake mix on a shelf. With some doctoring, I had the new cake into the oven in about 4 minutes. I've still got home made frosting, and it will taste just fine. Plus, I'm not sure my kid's 12-year-old palate is sophisticated enough to even spot the difference.

Moral of the story: Sometimes we do things right, like we should. We labor, we are obedient, we take the time, we follow the instructions. But that alone does not guarantee success. Sometimes, we still take a few stripes, waste some valuable resources in attempts to do good. Our efforts are met with opposition and even failure. The trick is to not just throw in the proverbial towel and walk away. The trick is to have a back-up plan and the tenacity to use it. Even if we fail the first time around, all is not lost. We have gained valuable experience (for example, I learned that Wilton makes a substance that guarantees the release of cakes from pans). We have gained wisdom, patience. But that is not all. We need to take the next step: Be willing to try again. If we stop at each failure, how will we ever progress? Whether it is our culinary skills, our personal belief system, or our very own salvation, we must have the ferocity, humility and character to persist.

So yeah, I made a cake mix for Chloe's birthday. Because, this girl will have her cake, and eat it too.

Thanks A Lot

I have so very much to be grateful for. I could make a list as tall as my house of great gifts bestowed upon me. My niece, my family, my friends would all be on it. But I will let the poet Folliott S. Pierpoint speak for me in his poem-turned-hymn, "For The Beauty of The Earth." I have long loved this hymn. I have found comfort in it year round and find it especially meaningful this time of year. Enjoy the message and may your day be full of Thanks. I am grateful for you and your roll in my life. Happy Thanks Giving to you and yours.

For the beauty of the earth

For the glory of the skies,

For the love which from our birth

Over and around us lies:

For the beauty of each hour

Of the day and of the night,

Hill and vale and tree and flow'r

Sun and Moon and stars of light

         For the joy of human love,
         Brother, sister, parent, child.
         Friends on earth and friends above
         For all gentle thoughts and mild. 
 
         For each perfect gift of Thine
         To our race so freely given.
         Graces human and divine
         Flow'rs of earth and buds of heav'n.

Lord of all, to Thee we raise

this our joyful hymn of praise.

WIsdom From The Shire

If you know me, you know my dog, a Shih Tzu, is named Mr. Frodo. Its no accident. Firstly, I am a nerd. I have always loved the stories of Tolkien. When I adopted my dog, he went by another name. He was a scruffy, 1-year old with a serious case of snaggle tooth and no sense of home. But he had the biggest, most loving eyes I had ever seen in an animal. And I wanted him to be a little companion to me. I was single, over the age of 30, and just lonely. I named my furry-footed companion Mr. Frodo after one of the most loyal, trusted characters in modern literature. Over six years later, the beloved  pooch has proven worthy of his name. In some of my darkest times, Mr. Frodo has, literally, been by my side. He's adjusted to the many changes of life, including the arrival of my niece and noweven has a canine companion of his own (Starbuck the cross-eyed mini-Poodle/Japanese Chin).

Mr. Frodo, my Mr. Frodo, has kept me going through thick and thin. Sounds silly, you know- because he's a dog and all. But it's true. And so I come to a quote provided by Samwise Gamgee, the loyal sidekick of Mr. Frodo Baggins. Its given me a little perspective lately and helped me to keep my chin up. Three cheers for good friends...and wise & loyal Hobbits!

I Can't Run But...

I am a notorious dreamer. Literally. I have been ever since I can remember (age 5-ish). Dreams are the way my crazy thoughts, often kept to myself, come bubbling up to the surface. They are also a way for the world and for God to communicate to me. Its just as much as part of who I am as my eye color or my hirsuteness.

Lately, I've been dreaming A LOT. Like crazy dreaming. Some dreams mean nothing. For example, the other night I dreamed I was lecturing a doctor from Grey's Anatomy on his love life, while using the example of the family trials from Wizards of Waverly Place. Not much meaning there...just a dichotomy of what's on the telly.

But for the first time since my childhood, I have been experiencing re-occurring dreams. Weird, right? Probably not. I know its my brain telling me to fix things. Ugh. Who likes to fix things? I'll share with you one of the dreams that pops up like an email reminder.

I decide to go jogging. I get dressed up and ready to go. I head to a destination where I'm going to run- sometimes my neighborhood, a local park, or even down in Moab. By the time I get to the actual place where I'm going to jog, there is someone there to go along with me. I don't recognize this person (ie: they are not some one from my waking life), but I know they are a friend.

We start off walking to get our heart rates up, and then hit a very slow jog. Side note: I really hate jogging in real life. I will walk anywhere, but unless I'm running in a game or away from something scary, I'm not running. In my dream, I am making a HUGE effort to jog. But I'm not traveling any distance. It is as if my legs are stuck in translucent quick sand. They are moving slowly, painfully, but I'm simply unable to move forward. Sometimes I'm stuck in a cross walk and motorists honk their horns and yell scornfully.

Even more strangely, I start to apologize to my running partner and anyone who will listen. "I am so very sorry. I really can run, I just don't know what's happening right now. I feel like such a failure, I'm so sorry." The struggle continues on with me stuck in a bizarre stasis until I wake.

This is the story of my life right now. I'm in a situation where my career is in a giant hole. I know I need to get out of the hole (read: get a new job), but the harder I try, the less I seem to be able to do. I know I have people cheering me on in life, but I am that motorist. I am ever so frustrated with my own lack of movement. I call myself a failure nearly every day. I want to be jogging, but not for lack of desire, I'm simply kind of stuck right now.

To put all of this into perspective, life is OK. I'm alive. I have a beautiful, healthy and intelligent daughter. I have a lovely roof over my head, 2 little furry friends I call companions (not Hobbits- the dogs). I have family and friends who love and pray for me. I sincerely try to focus on the good. Blah, blah. I am just freaking annoyed with my current situation. To quote Paul Simon, "I can't run, but I can walk much faster than this."