18 February 2010

Mail Order...Groom?

So...I'm new at being a parent, let alone a single parent. I've had my beautiful niece for nearly a year now, and I wouldn't trade her for the entire universe. But a kid is a ton of work! And holy poo, I would love to share the load with someone. I've been trying to network, and put feelers out there. You know, see if dating yields any prospects. But time is tight. And the pickings are slim. On a particularly glum day, I joked I should just order a mail-order groom. It was one of those ideas which is really funny in your head, but when you tell people they just look at you like you're daft. I decided I want a Viking.
With the exception of Carrot Top and a single colleague, I've never met a ginger I didn't just adore. So yes, definitely an arranged marriage with a Viking. That would totally lighten my load. He could pillage as an extra source of income, and save the ravaging for our bedroom. Sounds like a great fantasy for me! Pros: they were large in stature, strong, funny, engineering geniuses, and- a little known fact- Vikings were actually a very clean lot, with couples washing together at night and in the morning. That's gotta count for something.

I had a good laugh, then thought about it for a moment: If this has crossed my mind, would there be some type of a website people actually use to find insta-husbands? A quick internet search had me both laughing and cringing. Under "Mail Order Husband", google generated over 21 million results. 21 million! It seems you can choose from among a host of nationalities from South American, to Eastern European and everything in between. There are even sites for men on "How to Be a Mail Order Husband"! Color me shocked. And I'm from Jersey- not easily shocked.

I'm sticking to my guns on my choice of a Viking for a mail order husband. Sadly, the only search results for such a beast (pun intended) only yielded hunting & cooking advice, along with some ancient wedding rituals. Oh well. I totally thought I was on to something. I will continue to go stag for now. But a girl can dream. :)

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