24 March 2010

The Experiment

Being hired as a Marketing Manager was a dream come true for me. After 9 long months of unemployment, I was desperate, both fiscally and professionally. 2 whole months into my "dream job," I was told my department was being dis-assembled, and I would be given a job in the Creative department as an artist. Gulp.

I may have exaggerated my meager design skills when interviewing back in the day, but that was back when my job was to market things- not design them. The move was shocking for me, but I was grateful to still have a job. If anyone can fake it until they make it, I'm you're girl! Nightly tutorials ensued. Daily projects of me drawing the lamest images you can imagine are the norm. My first projects were actually turned in to my new boss on paper-- as pencil sketches of stick people. (Its a good thing my new boss likes me). I'm conceptually brilliant. Its the execution which still lacks finesse.

Despite my disadvantage, I've been moving onward. I'm no professional graphic designer yet, but I'm able to hold my own. What we have discovered is my gift for words. I am, proudly, The Word Smith, High Ruler over words. I had done a lot of copy writing at my previous job, but worked in marketing. So this feels natural to me. It feels so natural, I thought I'd get a free-lance job writing product copy on the side. This single parent could use the monetary boost to make it through summer (do you know how much day camp costs?!).

I hit up the internet, looking for local postings. Most of them merely resulted in me receiving a lot of sincere letters from Mr. Johan in South Africa, reminding me about my recent inheritance. Just when I was about to give up, I seemingly found the job that would do the trick.

As I followed links to the website and began reading the job description, I realized I am at a definite disadvantage. The job was for relationship advice. Not just any relationship advice- it was very specific. Marriage, Divorce, Gay/Lesbian Relationships, Being Widowed, Family Life, Sex Advice, and finally, Dating. Well, technically I don't meet any of those "niches". Never been married, so scrap the marriage, divorce, family & widowed columns. Not gay and not having sex. That would leave dating. But I haven't dated in a few years. So would it really be fair for me to write a column about dating?

I need the money so I came up with a plan. I would experiment with dating, thereby gaining current experience and *BAM!* I would get the job, maybe even spark a little romance. Win, win! I started by going on line. I'm on every LDS dating site you can imagine. Never mind I break into hives just thinking about the pending rejection. I added an app to my iPhone to find singles & get into the scene. I've been asking friends to network for me, and making sure my family prays for my success.

To date: Zero matches. OK, not really. One photo of some dude's penis (eww) and some 22 yr old kid in the UK is into me and keeps sending messages despite my rejections. They say there is someone for everyone, but seriously? I haven't even found fodder for a column? This might be more difficult than I imagined.

So here is my challenge to my readers (all 5 of you- and I know one of you is only reading to mock in the future): Network for me. Send me your gents. Pass out my number, invite men to my house for a meal. Tall, short, fat, thin, bald,  light, dark, freckled, be-speckled....you get the point. Call it my anthropological research project. Call it ridiculous. But in the name of science, go ahead and pass out my info. I dare you. And I dare myself to keep this up, because really, I could use the cash. :)


  1. I'm in a similar boat: my husband and I have separated, and I'm the one who's supposed to move out (long story). But I've been a part-time freelance copy editor for 6 years. I haven't been in an office or pulled down a regular paycheck in nearly 7 years. My primary experience is in medical editing, something for which there is little call in a tourist state like Florida. I'm slowly trying to build up some other experience while sending out resumes for office work, publishing jobs, even additional freelance clients, but no one's hiring.

    And on top of all that, I'm 35 and single for the first time since I was 17 years old. Dating? Yeah, not so much.

    Good luck with your experiment. But I'm sorry, I can't share my gents with you. I gotta hold on to the ones I can find! LOL

  2. You are simply hilarious! Are you willing to travel? Will you give us the name of the sicko perv who sent you a pic of his nast so we can chat with him from the opposite end of a sawed-off shotgun? I wish you the best. Most of the gents I know aren't local, actually one is. My cousin who I met in BYU's MBA program. About my age. How do I do this hook-up thang? I have never done this before.